14:23:19 We apologize for the delay.You are next in the queue. A representative will be with you shortly.

Agent Lauren has joined. (14:23:24)

Lauren : Chat ID for this session is 01141231738. (14:23:24)

Lauren(14:23:29): Welcome to Verizon Online Sales Support! Thank you for choosing Verizon. What services may I help you learn more about today?

You(14:23:30): hi

You(14:23:47): i need to record an ITV show at 630am tomorrow morning

You(14:24:00): my son is on a reality tv show on ITV, and i would like to figure out how to record it

You(14:24:13): ITV is a UK television channel

You(14:25:42): hello??

Lauren(14:26:13): I am right here with you.

Lauren(14:26:28): I apologize for the delay in responding.

You(14:26:39): thats fine

Lauren(14:27:39): To assist you in a better manner, could you please tell me what Verizon services you currently have?

You(14:27:58): Verizon FIOS

You(14:28:10): the bundle with TV, phone and internet

You(14:28:21): Howard Katz, 5115 Waukesha Road, Bethesda, MD 20816

Lauren(14:29:01): Could please confirm, if you have checked that show will be available tomorrow at 6:30 am on Video On Demand?

You(14:30:17): i have not checked that

You(14:30:23): i didnt think that i got ITV

Lauren(14:31:08): Good to hear that your son is going to perform live on the channel, let me send you link to check show and channel of your choice.

You(14:31:31): thanks

You(14:31:34): its called Dinner Date

Lauren(14:31:59): Please give me a few moments to get link for you.

You(14:36:49): hello?

You(14:36:57): i dont have a huge amount of time at the moment

Lauren(14:37:07): Thank you for your time and patience.

Lauren(14:37:08):https://www22.verizon.com/OnDemand/unprotected/BrowseTVShows.aspx?categoryID=44&IsCat=false&CName=Reality TV&PName=&HPC=undefined

Lauren(14:37:28): Please click on above link to see all available shows for you.

You(14:40:02): its not on there

You(14:40:05): what i was looking for

You(14:40:13): is, how can I watch ITV live

You(14:40:19): is that possible from FIOS?

You(14:41:03): can i call someone? please send me a phone number

Lauren(14:41:09): The shows what you are able to see on that page are available with FiOS.

You(14:41:23): please send me a phone number to call

You(14:41:28): this is no longer helpful

You(14:41:33): you dont understand what i am saying

You(14:41:39): i need to call

Lauren(14:42:19): You may please call The Local Verizon Business Office at 1-800 VERIZON (1-800-837-4966) between 8:00 AM and 6:00 PM EST from Monday to Friday.

You(14:42:24): thanks

Lauren(14:43:09): I really apologize for confusion, my best wishes to your son.

Lauren(14:53:55): Would there be any additional information you need from my side?

Lauren(14:56:35): I have not heard from you for a few moments. Would you like to continue this chat session?

You(14:56:51): i think thats fine Lauren

You(14:57:05): what i had needed you to do was look at how to specially get a hold of international television channels

You(14:57:13): not look at on demand, as this show will be live tomorrow

Lauren(14:58:44): I see, could you please let me know the name of channel or TV shows, I searching for ITV but not getting any information.

Lauren(15:03:04): I have not heard from you for a few moments. Would you like to continue this chat session?

You(15:03:27): ITV is one of the largest networks in Europe

Lauren(15:06:02): I do understand that, however,I am not able to get that with FiOS, could you please confirm, if you have watched it before with FiOS?

Lauren(15:09:17): Please give me a few more moments I am searching that for you.

Lauren(15:13:08): In order to check whether the channel line up is available at your location let me send you a link.

You(15:13:26): i have never watched it with FIOS before!!

You(15:13:32): that is why i contacted you

You(15:13:41): never mind

You(15:13:46): you are not being helpful at all

You(15:13:50): thanks for trying Lauren

You(15:13:54): you can end this conversation now

You(15:13:56): goodbye

Lauren(15:14:27):http://www22.verizon.com/Residential/FiOSTV/Channels/Channels.htm
I would request you to check it on above link.

You(15:14:47): ok, checking now

You(15:15:07): link didnt do anything

You(15:15:12): its a blank page

Lauren(15:15:17): Please let m know if it is available to your location.

You(15:15:19): and my zip code doesnt return any results

You(15:15:24): this is worthless

Lauren(15:15:50): Let me send you list of channels for you.

You(15:15:59): i just need ITV Lauren

You(15:16:00): thats it

You(15:16:03): only one i care about

Lauren(15:16:08): Please provide me your zip code and city name.

You(15:16:17): 20816, bethesda, md

Lauren(15:17:52): Please wait while I get the list for you.

You(15:18:06): Yes mam.

Lauren(15:21:16): Thank you for your patience. I am checking on your question for you.

You(15:21:46): I am still waiting, and have been since 2:23PM EST.

You(15:22:31): But I will continue. I have faith that there is a infintesimally minimal chance that you may find a viable solution.

Lauren(15:23:46): I really appreciate your precious time and I am trying my best to get solution for you as I understand that it is important for you to watch your son’s performance.

Lauren(15:28:27):http://www22.verizon.com/NROneRetail/NR/rdonlyres/17C23CB5-59C7-4263-A980-CFD436BF3996/0/UltimateOnline_Nov2010.pdf

You(15:28:46): Thank you mam.

Lauren(15:28:51): Please click on above link and let me know if you have any question on that list.

You(15:32:54): working on it

You(15:32:57): please give me a few minutes

You(15:33:10): ITV does not show up anywhere on that list unfortunately

You(15:33:41): a quick search reveals that

Lauren(15:34:22): I see, so bad, I provided the list of all channels with FiOS TV.

Lauren(15:37:32):http://www22.verizon.com/NROneRetail/NR/rdonlyres/17C23CB5-59C7-4263-A980-CFD436BF3996/0/UltimateOnline_Nov2010.pdf

Lauren(15:37:58): Please discard my last response.

You(15:38:02): ITV does not appear on there either

You(15:38:14): I may discard most of your responses, unfortunately…no offense.

Lauren(15:39:44): I really apologize that I could not help you, however you can search on the link for Video On demand to check that, these are only channels and shows with FiOS TV.

You(15:40:13): This is a live show. Tomorrow.

You(15:40:18): Not an on demand situation.

You(15:40:25): Have you understood what I have been looking for?

Lauren(15:44:05): I do understand that, Could you please confirm if it can be on “”Pay Per View” ?

Lauren(15:46:31): I have not heard from you for a few moments. Would you like to continue this chat session?

You(15:46:46): i am still here Lauren

You(15:46:52): wont ever leave your side

You(15:47:16): Lauren, I do not know if it can be on pay per view…I am not familiar with the ins and outs of your business.

You(15:47:25): This is why I am speaking to you and wasting my time

Lauren(15:47:50): Let me send you link to see pay per view shows.

You(15:48:53): Great, I look forward to wasting further time with you Lauren.

Lauren(15:50:24): I really appreciate your precious time,however I am trying my best to save your time, I really apologize for the inconvenience from my side.

You(15:52:41): Thanks very much for your continued loyalty and respect Lauren.

Lauren(15:54:06):https://www22.verizon.com/OnDemand/unprotected/PayPerView.aspx

Lauren(15:54:31): Please click on above link and you will be able to see all shows with timings on that page.

You(15:54:52): Very good, please do give me a few minutes

Lauren(15:55:17): Sure, take your time.

You(15:58:57): Are you a fully functioning human being or are you an automated bot?

You(15:59:12): I just ask because there are about 10 options there, each called ESPN.

You(15:59:16): Not one says ITV.

You(15:59:25): You’re probably a bot.

Lauren(16:00:30): Please believe me I am a human being like you. I sent the link so you can search the show by category as you know about that better than me.

You(16:00:42): I am a bot actually.

You(16:00:51): Please don’t be so presumptuous Lauren.

You(16:00:58): I thought I’d found my match.

Lauren(16:03:29): I really understand your concern, however, trust me theses all are shows you will get with FiOS TV.

Lauren(16:05:49): Could you please confirm if we are still connected through this chat?

Lauren(16:08:19): I have not heard from you for a few moments. Would you like to continue this chat session?

Lauren(16:10:30): I have not heard from you for several moments. I will assume you have everything you need. If you have any additional questions, please do not hesitate to contact us again. Thank you for using Verizon’s chat service.

You(16:10:38): hi

You(16:10:46): still here sweetie

You(16:10:51): whats wrong?

You(16:10:57): how can i help you?

Lauren(16:11:27): Please let me know if you need any other information from me.

Lauren(16:14:58): Could you please confirm if we are still connected through this chat?

Lauren(16:17:13): I have not heard from you for a few moments. Would you like to continue this chat session?

You(16:17:29): yes please lauren

You(16:17:37): if you could help, would be much appreciated

You(16:17:39): what else can we do

Lauren(16:19:54): Would there be anything else, I can assist you with?

You(16:21:23): hope so

Lauren(16:23:23): I can assist you with your questions related to Verizon services, you may please go ahead with your questions related to Verizon services.

Lauren(16:25:48): I have not heard from you for a few moments. Would you like to continue this chat session?

Lauren(16:28:09): I have not heard from you for several moments. I will assume you have everything you need. If you have any additional questions, please do not hesitate to contact us again. Thank you for using Verizon’s chat service.

Your session is now closed.

Thank you, have a nice day.

Your session is now closed.

Thank you, have a nice day.

Yes, I’ve done it.  I’ve kicked my bucket list and made it onto reality television.  Finally.  But not just finally, twice now.  I think I may have an addiction.

This is the story of the 2nd show, the “Devil’s Dinner Party.”

Well…I have to say, this gent deserves full credit for describing the experience I had going on this show a few months back to a “T” albeit I can’t say I enjoyed the obnoxious interview process as much, and frankly found the teams completely unorganised and calling to ask the same questions over and over again umpteen times! That said, it was still a hilarious and thrilling experience…getting picked up in a private hire Black Mercedes from a business meeting (where I had to apologize for my more casual dinner wear attire by explaining I was about to go on a ridiculous reality TV show!) to hide around corners avoiding other contestants and eventually getting into my own little studio where I too crushed all available Haribo and had man-makeup put on me before entering the labyrinthical passages at Teddington Studios and ultimate filming this show. I did well, but didn’t win!!

“The dream was, of course, Come Dine With Me but it didn’t happen. He’s how I survived the The Devil’s Dinner Party selection process…

The dream was to appear on Come Dine With Me. To be critiqued by the mighty Dave Lamb, to devise and cook an incredible menu, to host an enchanting evening that leaves tellies and bellies trembling across the nation… I’ve got a semi just typing about it. Naturally I would definitely NOT come across as a total tosser. I would kick ass. But alas, the show’s production team didn’t agree. I fell at first telephone interview hurdle.

I cooked nothing but beans on toast for weeks after. Sometimes I just ate cold beans with my hands, straight from the tin. I cried every time I heard Lamb’s voice on adverts and put my fingers in my ears and shouted ‘LA LA LA I’M NOT LISTENING’ every time someone said the word ‘come’… Just in case the words dine, with and me were about to follow. That was embarrassing.

A friend thought applying for Devil’s Dinner Party might rouse me from my fug of rejection. A brand new game show, it didn’t offer a chance to flex my cooking muscles, but it did involve food and a prize six times the puny jackpot on Come Dine With Me. I took my hand out of the bean tin and got my life on track. The two months that followed were a whirlwind of questions, interrogations and, eventually, a ridiculously slick production procedure that would put the secret service to shame. The whole application process is an experience I can’t recommend enough.

Here’s how shit went down…

The application

The four page document was a commitment. Any game show application form is. Your sole role is to sell yourself as THE quirkiest, chirpiest, most interesting human being ever. Even with a million trivial pursuits and daft anecdotes this gets tiresome. I’ve got a whole folder of incomplete application forms, but I persevered with this. I’m glad I did… they called back within 24 hours.

The call

“Hi there, this is Barrington from Devil’s Dinner Party! Have you got ten minutes?”

Make that thirty. He grilled me like a Foreman. If you’ve not seen the show (don’t worry, I haven’t yet either), it’s based on the contestants’ first impressions of each other, and how they deal with tricky questions and scenarios about each other. To asses whether I was a suitable candidate, Barrington wanted Dave data on a major scale…

“How attractive do you think you are?”

“You have an unusual job. How do you think people will react to that?”

“What do you hate in people?”

“What do you love in people?”

“What do you think your friends say about you?”

“Are you flirty?”

“How about with older ladies?”

An intense interrogation, but I must have said something good… Three days later they invited me to a filmed audition.

The audition

Destination: a fancy Bristol hotel. Here I underwent all of Barrington’s questions – and more – in front of a camera. I was to fix up, look smart and back myself up to the max; the executives were going to watch the videos and pick the final contestants. The production crew pummelled me with questions and scenarios, including what my first impression was of them. I played safe and told her off for wearing scruffy shoes and him off for having low trousers and revealing some rather natty boxers. They were putting me off my A-game… but not enough to stop me from securing myself a spot on the show.

Another critical point of the game we have to discuss my weight loss and previous as an erstwhile fat fucker.
Don’t call us. We’ll call you…

… and call you, and call you, and call you. I’m unsure if research is just as thorough on other game shows, but the very nature of the game demanded this level of contestant background; each round a player is removed from the dinner table and the remaining players have to guess how they’ll react to a particular multiple choice dilemma. The more the producers know about you, the trickier – and more entertaining – that question will be.

I was called no less than 10 times. Each call well over 10 minutes… What’s my political stance? Do I believe in a God or Gods? What do I think of vegetarians? Have I had any embarrassing illnesses? How much wood would a woodchuck chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood? Which episode of Quantum Leap did Sam jump into a nun? The works.

This reached fever pitch in the final week before filming with different producers calling each day, asking the same or similar questions. One last thing, one last thing… They were making sure they knew everything they could about the six contestants to make the episode as entertaining as possible. And we were contractually bound to tell them everything.

I must add, I wasn’t complaining. I liked the attention and the drama as everything built up to the big day.

Show time

And so began one of the most bizarre, unforgettable days I’ve had so far. Even the hotel breakfast was shrouded in intrigue as I smiled and said hello to every single hotel guest, just in case they were my future competitors. They weren’t of course. This is the cool part of the story; meticulous measures were being taken to ensure we never crossed paths until we saw each other for the first time on the camera.

It was just like being in 24. I’d imagine. Even my taxi driver was in on it, turning down leafy cul-de-sacs when fellow contestants were within a two street radius. A clear five minutes was left between each studio arrival where we were all assigned our own body guard (!) and taken through the building waiting for the all clear at every corner.

“We’re moving player three to the stairway. Are we clear?”

“Just clear. Proceed.”

And so on. The same ruthless process took place on every toilet and ciggie break. Unfortunately I had two hours to kill…

“Com 1 this is Com 3, player 3 wants another fag and a slash.”

“Com 3, can you ask player 3 if it’s really necessary.”

“Com 1, player 3 says ‘don’t hate the player, hate the game’”

“Roger that. Move to stairway four. Clearance in two minutes.”

What fun! I was already implicated in a fucked up, freaky spy game before I even got a sniff of the cameras. Body guards? Clearance? Stairways? These aren’t regular things in my life. I made as many mission requests as possible. I also helped myself to the entire table of Haribo in my dressing room.

Just as the tension had built up in the days before filming, the last moments before show time were naturally the most thrilling. The final march to the set, my body guard and I waited on every corner for what felt like hours. We had to be absolutely silent: at points we were separated from other contestants by a flimsy brick alcove. Slowly but surely we edged our way around the maze of corners until the final doorway which led to the set of a cosy living room and dining room, loaded with bright lights, massive cameras… And five other contestants who each looked just as excited, nervous, charged, scared and interested in the £6000 prize pot as me.

The end

And that’s where this story ends. The game itself is a whole other feature. But that can’t be written until I’ve seen the episode for myself. If it’s written at all. At 8pm tonight I’ll be tuning into Sky Atlantic for my game show debut and I have no idea how I’ll be portrayed. Wine was involved and there was at least one occasion where I was jeered up to make over confident declarations by the producers while filming between rounds. Another critical point of the game we have to discuss my weight loss and previous as an erstwhile fat fucker. Yes, unlike my Come Dine With Me fantasies, I fear I will come across as a total tosser.

Tune in and see for yourself… But no matter how much of a dick I look; all that grilling, interrogating, secrecy and studio subterfuge was an experience I thoroughly enjoyed and will never, ever forget and will definitely try and go through again. Come Dine, I hope you’re reading!”

-another contestant from a later show, but with a bit more passion….great article!!

I am so excited I can barely contain myself, but wondering what, if any essentials I absolutely MUST bring.

I plan on just taking a medium/large hiking pack w hard exoskeleton.

Shorts
Tshirts
1 button down
Jeans
Sneakers
Sandals
Sun tan lotion
Standard toothbrush and other random needs

In my estimation, 20 days in Thailand/Asia probably necessitates the most simple packing job possible, especially as I’d love to pick up some cheap clothes and shoes there. But what things might I not have thought of? Do I need a water thermos bc quality of water is bad? Any sorts of repellents? Anything at all that I might not think of?

More importantly, and MUCH more importantly really, I need some gritty advice on where to go. In my research for the next month, I will of course lay out where I have to go…Ko Samui, Ko Pi Pi etc (when is Full Moon party next month??); but what I really need is some proper advice for the more secret spots that I absolutely need to explore.

After my Russian debacle, ending in me being essentially barred from traveling back within Russian borders for the rest of my life, I do realise that I am going to need to err on the side of caution for this trip…especially as, and please forgive the pun, it seems to be, more than any other place I’ve heard, one giant booby trap trying to fuck you…ie people planting drugs on you, getting robbed/mugged, and some ladies who may not be all that ladylike or really lady at all (!) trying to have dealings with tourists.

So glad to be leaving dreary England for a bit, but would like coming home alive, with my mingy finances intact, and at least a slight semblance of self-respect left.

Comment away, I need some help big time.

NK

Then supposed to go to Egg, but stayed at JAX (our flat is on Jack the Ripper’s alley where he used to carouse and where he committed all his crimes-literally on our front door step).

Night all,

Nick

5000 (!) dead Blackbirds rain down on Bebee, Arkansas on New Years Eve 2010
http://news.oneindia.in/2011/01/04/arkansas-its-raining-dead-birds-in-bebee.html

500 dead birds fall out of the sky in Louisiana
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-12118589

100,000 fish found dead in Arkansas River
http://www.examiner.com/political-spin-in-national/dead-birds-dead-fish-now-being-reported-worldwide

40,000 dead crabs was ashore UK coasts
http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-503543_162-20027655-503543.html

Massive flooding across Southeast Asia, Pakistan, Australia

Japanese Tsunami from earthquake in Chile luckily turned out to weaken before it hit

Chilean earthquake

Hurricane Katrina

Haitian earthquake

How many people and animals have died in the past 1, 2, 3, 4 years? I hate to be sensationalist, but, I think we have pushed the boundaries of the Earth’s environment too far. We should be checking all major fault lines, trenches, ocean currents, and wind streams…though this is far beyond anything our scientists can predict or interpret…too many complex systems interacting with one another. Let’s just hope there is no connection and these are really all just totally random occurrences or at least occurrences that have nothing to do with the influence of man…but can we honestly discount the impact 6 Billion+ humans have on this planet? I think not…and I don’t have to be a scientist to make that claim.

Hoping for the best, but quasi-expecting the worst,

Nick

nigel says:
May 13, 2010 at 2:50 pm

He certainly keeps his head where the green is.

In twenty years, could we draw, retrospectively, causal relationships between the failure of the Reagan era Promise, the disillusionment of educated youth who no longer find fulfillment in the corporate/banking dream of America, the international dance scene (from Trentemoller to Tiesto) and a resultant boom in green energy advocacy and development?

Only He, the Prophet, the grAYz-a! will know for sure. Stay tuned folks – we might be witnessing the birth of a new breed of global citizen. Buy the ticket, take the ride.
http://www.greenprophet.com/2010/05/12/21139/suntech-israel-electric-solar/#comments

So, for the time being, anyone have a free digital camera they want to send me? Please just postmark:

Nick Katz
109 Stevenage Road, SW6 6PA
London, United Kingdom

Thanks in advance! I will make sure to send the inferior cameras back.

In the mean time, I am now going to be doing some writing for a blog www.greenprophet.com which I am very excited about. They report on clean tech issues in the Mid-East and I will be attending an engineering and energy conference in San Diego from July 29-August 1 and covering the event for them. If anyone is in San Diego around that time, let me know I would love to meet up. I will be interviewing for jobs in San Diego during a week that I tack on either prior to this http://www.engex.org/ conference or after.

There is another Torture Garden party on Saturday night, so as you can imagine, I am again excited! It is the Torture Garden’s birthday http://www.torturegarden.com/events/birthday/ and just so happens that it is my triplet cousins’ birthday today…I bought them DJ Hero and were up until all hours of the morning ripping it…going to have to take it easy on DJ Hero tonight to get ready for TG tomorrow. Richie Hawtin comes to Ministry of Sound on Sunday night and Deadmau5 is here all weekend as well, so it looks to be a busy one! I have been working so hard on TRYING to work that it is about time I get to let off some steam.

Also just got back from a good two days (Monday and Tuesday) at www.walshawlodge.com and took inventory of all the stuff my cousins own in the house (took 2 days of misery) to get ready for this rental season which is heating up. If anyone ever wants a sick place to stay in the UK, this house is truly amazing.

Time to go eat, I am starving!

Until next time, and hopefully with some pictures,

Nick

In London Tube @ Hammersmith Station

Well, I’m now sitting at a little cafe called de Saloon in Amsterdam…just on the edge of Rembrandt Square where I stayed at the Eden American Hotel with Paul Massey (US buddy who was here for a “work” conference haha) last night. Second spot I walked in to check out (first was “Little Buddah” which is the same as the Paris Buddha Bar chain but for smaller venues) and it has free wireless! Have my back pack with me and was on my way to rent a bicycle, but got distracted…obviously.

I haven’t “blogged” for a while (I can’t stand that fucking word, it is so embarrassing…seriously, who is the person who first started doing this and thought that would be a smart name?!?!) and thought I should catch everyone up. And by everyone, I mean just me since I have no readership and need to remind myself of the last few months of my life regardless! So, plan is…at this moment in time…and I will likely get lazy and completely change my mind…so please forgive me…OR better yet, write me a note urging me on as the last months have been INSANE, scary, fun, weird, great, depressing and every other colorful word you can think of to describe these moments, minutes, hours, days, weeks, and now months of my life. Oh yea, right, the plan. I want to just write stories of days that I remember specifically enjoying, this may or may include things like:

Torture Garden @ Mass – yea, full fetish gear…whoops! www.torturegarden.com

Broken hands and fighting at 6 AM (this morning outside the Eden American Hotel where Paul and I just thought we’d go outside for a minute to chill…yea, bad decision…Paul and I NEVER escape trouble…it hunts us down and tries to take us out in every GD foreign city we go to). –>this in turn could be a baller segway into the “Russia Escape” story if anyone is interested…not wasting time on this giant unless I get some requests!

Fulham Soccer game – just kidding, not writing about this…wish I had been at the Juventus game that we WON, then I would write, but the game I went to we looked like shit and lost 2-1 to Man City–the richest club in the world right now

K, I’m bored…let’s see if anyone reads this, then I will go on…my new Macbook Pro is sick…it is imPOSSIBLE not to get completely distracted and open 1,200 tabs though, anyways, enjoy…and more colorful posts to come!

Now I’m on my way to the biggest film festival in Europe, the Berlinale www.berlinale.de to check out a British film at 8pm before I go to Golden Gate tonight with an absurd dude from Miami I met and whom I will be staying with. He has a supermodel high end men’s designer from Serbia staying with him too…hopefully she can tailor and design a suit for me for my meeting in London Golden Gate is apparently the most wild club in Berlin for a Thursday night so hopefully will have a spicy post tomorrow. Last night was insane too, but my phone was dead so I couldn’t take any pics or movies…sorry!

Nick

Berlinale pictures below, and the crowd for this first movie entitled “The River” which is a 1950s film about living in India